Should I dominate the conversation?

There is one topic that almost everyone I know likes to talk about. They can usually talk about this subject for quite a while and are usually very knowledgeable about it. In fact most are an expert on the topic. So what is this magic subject that everyone knows so much about? It’s themselves.

Think about it, nothing is more familiar to you than you are. You are an expert on yourself. You know what you secretly love, you know what annoys you the most. As Dr. Suess put it “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”.

That being said, how many of us have encountered someone (maybe several people) who talk about themselves a bit too much. I’m not talking about someone who you asked them questions about themselves either. I’m talking about someone who volunteers information about what they are thinking, what they want, what they hate and any other thought that crosses their mind and you get to hear about it just because you are around them. People who participate in this type of behavior often make other people around them want to RUN in the opposite direction. The sad thing is that often times they do not even realize what they are doing.

 

To be able to have a conversation where both participants are equally engaged, the conversation should have equal parts talking and active listening from both (or all) participants. If you can make a conscious effort to remember that letting the other person have their share of talking time is just as important as yours then you will be doing them and yourself  a great service.

 

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Maybe you have a friend who is going through a rough time and needs to vent. You could also be with someone who is very shy or just doesn’t have much to say in general. Whatever the case may be, using the equal parts to a conversation rule should be applied as a default setting. It applies when you are just hanging out with friends, it applies when you are on a date, it applies when you are talking with your parents. Don’t dominate the conversation and ask the other person about themselves, it will take you a long way.

Just hit #

Over the past few years I have come to realize that there is something I learned a long time ago that has saved me from embarrassment on more than one occasion. What strikes me as peculiar is that I thought this was a well-known, well-practiced exercise. After conversing about the topic with multiple friends, I have learned that it is not.

Just hit #!

Scenario:

Let’s say you are calling up someone who is anywhere from somewhat to very important to you. It could be an employer, a new girl you have met and may be interested in or a relative who you highly respect and admire. This isn’t a person you want to embarass yourself in front of. You get their voice mail and prepare to leave a message. You say a few words and they just don’t come out right. You try to recover and you end up saying something that doesn’t make any sense. You start rambling and become unsure of yourself and you just wish you could start over. What do you do? Hang Up? Hope they don’t listen to it? Apologize for sounding incompetent? Start crying and begging for forgivenes? None of the above. Just hit #!

On most voicemail greetings, before you leave your message, the operator will say something like “after you are done recording, press pound for more options”.  Apparently a lot of people either don’t pay attention to this part or they don’t know what it means. If you encounter a scenario like the one above and start leaving a terrible sounding message to someone that you wnat to sound compentent in front of, hit # and it will give you the option to “erase and re-record”. Another option it will give you is to listen to the message you just left, which I think is a good idea at times so you can make sure the message you just left makes sense and sounds good. It kind of works like a “proof read” in that aspect. Some voicemail greetings will ask you to hit 1 instead of # but I have found that those are few and far between. In very rare cases some will not give you the # option at all but I have only encountered that once. So there you have it, no more lame sounding voice mail messages from you. As always, remember to speak with confidence.